A Body of One’s Own

I sat in the food court of the shopping mall. I touched the lock of my lunch box and was greeted by Mao Zan’s jingle. “It’s time for another Happy Zany Meal, beloved employee! Please, look into the optic sensor to get started!

“Good, you’re amazing! Now, choose one of our amazing deals of the day: be sure to pick the one you love the most (we know it’s hard to decide!).

“You picked: Depend Adult Undergarment bulk deal. Proceed?

“Brilliant! Now, before you can enjoy this delightful meal offered to you free of charge by Mao Zan, tell how amazing your experiences with Depend Adult Undergarment have been to three persons. Don’t worry and take your time, we’ll keep your Happy Zany Meal warm and tasty!”

I stood up with a deep sigh. As I moved away from my table, I heard the lunch box reprimand me “No sighing! Look happy! Remember, a life with Mao Zan’s products is a life of bliss!”

I began making way to a couple on a table nearby. They looked at me suspiciously as I approached, a wariness that turned to an ill-disguised disgust in the woman’s face as she looked at my prosthetic hands. I grinned: “Hello and good afternoon to you! Say, I was just sitting over there and looked at you two, and I thought: ‘they’re so cute together! I need to tell them all about today’s best deal!’”

“We are not—“ the man had begun to say, but I interrupted him. “Depend Adult Undergarment is now three for the price of one if you buy it in bulk! You can easily find it in the best supermarkets!” Whilst I spoke they continued talking to each other, their eyes avoiding my direction. “Well, that was it! I wish you a happy, Zany day!” Turning away, I overheard him whispering: “I told you this place is going to shit. Can’t even have a proper meal without one of these freeloaders interrupting!”

I walked over to another table where an elderly lady sat. I repeated my performance from before. When I finished she exhaled some air from her nostrils, propped her blond hair and handed me a half-eaten chocolate bar. “Yes, sure, throw this away for me, ok?” I bowed respectfully and went back to my table and the chirpy music coming out of the lunch box. “Try harder! You scored 65 out of 100 possible Zany points for this activity. Remember, the more Zany points you have, the more choices you will have in our menu! Also, watch out: if you score less than 50 Zany points, you might have to try again before you can enjoy your meal!” The box opened to reveal a sizzling hot hamburger sitting on a branded yellow plate, a portion of chips and an energy drink. The top of the box had a small screen that played internet videos of kittens grooming each other. Below it, a prompt showed weather and traffic news, together with two clocks indicating the current time of the day and how many minutes I still had before having to return to work.

“Hmmmm! Yum yum! Isn’t it amazing? Be careful not to burn yourself with the sizzling hot juices from the meat substitute and enjoy your Happy Zany Meal,” the lunch box chirped halfway through. The searing liquid ran down the plastic hands of my Mao Zan sponsored prosthetic arms.

—

The door to the examination room opened with a joyful chirp. “Welcome! You are late for your 14:30 appointment. This is your 3rd infringement. You have lost 50 Zany points. Take a seat, your doctor will soon be with you!” An anodyne song started playing and I began removing my backpack. The walls of this affiliated doctor’s office were white; the one opposite to me had a screen occupying more than half of its height and the whole width. I sat on the examination table and removed my jacket, leaving my arms uncovered, then closed my eyes and allowed myself to doze off.

Fifteen minutes later, the music changed abruptly to Mao Zan’s jingle and the door opened. A short and obese man entered the room, his face going from a neutral expression to a wide smile in the blink of an eye. “Hello there! Hope you’re having a Zany good day, miss. I am your doctor for today!” The screen turned on automatically, showing first Mao Zan’s logo which then faded to a 3D model of my body together with relevant medical information. He looked at it and flicked his hand to scroll through the data. “So, just a quick check up, huh? How have these arms been treating you? Any complaints?” I shook my head and extended the arms for him to touch and examine. He turned back at the screen. “Yes, everything seems to be in order…a clean up might be needed next time you come, but other than that…hydraulics are ok, circuitry too…” he trailed off, still reading the reports. He frowned and quickly corrected the expression when he turned his head towards me again: “I see here you have reported a bit of phantom pain?”

“I still feel it, sometimes. It’s like my hands were still holding on to something really, really hard.” I remember clasping my house keys during the protests so hard my nails almost pierced my skin. When a canister exploded next to me and I fell with my fists to the ground, a bloody mess of metal key and broken bone dug inside my palms. This was a lightning-shaped pain, an irregular burning line that fragmented as it climbed up my non-existing right arm.

“Yes, I see. It’s quite a basic model you have there, though, and the warranty is about to expire. Have you thought about an upgrade? They have some lovely new models coming in, all equipped with synaptic sensors which could help with eliminating any traces of phantom limbs and such. And you can buy them directly from Mao Zan Prosthetics with enough Zany points! I’ll tell you, all my patients say the same thing, Zany arms are the best arms!” I forced a smile “They sure are! But for now I think it’s fine. It’s not too painful. And, you know, Mao Zan’s products are just so good I’d have trouble choosing!”

We smiled in silence for a few more seconds and he turned back to the screen. “Just one last thing…there are a few records here of improper use of your arms. Cooking with a gas stove, handling competitor’s hardware…nothing major, really, they won’t deduct many Zany points from your account…but I am required to remind you that these limbs are property of Mao Zan Prosthetics and you are contractually obliged to restrict your usage to sanctioned applications. I could offer you a license upgrade, but I’m afraid that with your…history it won’t be possible.”

I nodded whilst putting my jacket on. “Thank you for your reminder. I will keep it in mind and am sorry for my lack of responsibility with Mao Zan’s property after all they have done to me. Have a Zany day, doctor!” Once the door closed, my watch vibrated with a message: “Well, wasn’t that lovely! It’s just a blast when everyone is Zany nice to everyone! You have been awarded 15 Zany points for brand loyalty!”